I have never once in my life moved homes and had everything go perfectly smooth. My first remembered move from Sheridan to Middletown, Indiana at the ripe old age of five included sitting in the back seat of my mother's car next to my sister and cat packed to the gills with our belongings. It was only an hour's drive or so but just long enough for my sister to vomit all over the backseat of the car.
The next move was from Indiana to Minnesota and after walking off the plane and retrieving my poor abused miniature poodle from his crate he promptly defecated on the baggage claim area floor. Only a few days after that incident I spent many hours in the ER after foolishly trying to trap a new pet toad in a recently unpacked glass jar.
A mere 2 1/2 years later we packed up and headed to southern Minnesota over Christmas vacation (For those of you who are not Minnesota natives or residents, NO ONE moves during the winter in Minnesota). Unfortunately my school term wasn't over and so my belongings headed to Red Wing where I only had visitation rights on weekends for the next month or so while living with friends.
Two years later Dad got the wanderlust again and decided to move us to the wilds of Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Yet again, most of my belongings left without me due to an unexpected visit from cousins with an empty moving truck that we packed up almost overnight and sent on months ahead of our move. I have to say that getting to graduate a semester early from high school made up for that one though.
Post a year of college I went on my honeymoon (and forgot you're not allowed to carry butterfly knives when trying to go through airport security) while I sent my over six feet tall father in law back to Tennessee in my packed manual transmission Saturn. Amazing that he loves me anyway isn't it?
Three years later on the way to our newly purchased house I managed to rear end another vehicle in the legendary rush hour traffic of Nashville and separated my shoulder that ended up needing surgery a year later.
Four years following that we packed up, sold the house and moved across state lines with a newborn that gets carsick (at least she had the good taste to throw up on Daddy). I do not recommend anyone moving with a newborn if they can help it. This time I was also required to leave most of my belongings in storage for the next two years.
And just under a year ago, we packed up again and realized the moving truck wasn't big enough and we would have to pull my in laws trailer down as well. Then the trailer lights didn't work. Four adults driving four vehicles for that move. And I'm pretty sure my father-in-law got stuck with the truck that only gets air conditioning when you're not accelerating. Which is most of the time pulling a trailer.
You would think that I would reconsider all the moving, hassle, etc. But no, not only did I want to buy another house, I insisted on falling in love with a house built before I was born that needed excessive amounts of work. Just because moving is always too easy.
So for those of you that have already accepted the invitation to partake in our Saturday disaster, I apologize in advance for the frustrations that have followed me since childhood. No, that is not the bathroom tile I picked out, but if you come back Monday it should be. Yes, the garage door must be manually opened now. I am pretty sure that some mischievous teenagers were plotting to get in the empty house and engage in illegal activities. Yes, I know the front door is broken and use the downstairs bathroom at your own risk. It has not been cleaned in many many moons.
I heard a fairy tale this afternoon that my internet will be installed at the new house in the morning with 15 mbps. If it turns into reality I will be a loyal Charter customer for life and give mass exclamations of praise to anyone that will listen. See you on the other side.
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